Three deaths, all within months of each other.
The mothers in my life, and my dear friend, gone.
I was devasted.

I withdrew and went through the motions of everyday life.
I didn’t allow myself to grieve.
I don’t know why, maybe the loss felt too big.
Instead I kept busy

It worked for a while.
My body and soul worked overtime to contain my grief and hold me together.
Until it couldn’t anymore.

I remember that moment clearly.
Working on my computer I heard my body say, “take care of me”.
It came from my root chakra.

I heard myself answer “OK, I will.”
And so I did.

I decided I would take a soulbattical.
I made up the name.
It was a spin on “Sabbatical” a period of paid leave granted to work or study.
My soulbattical would not be paid nor to study.
It had one purpose, to restore my soul.

I blocked time off from work, untethered from shoulds, and let myself get still.
What I needed began to appear.

First was acupuncture with my wise Eastern Doctor.
Loaded up with needles, she left me alone in the room.
Normally I see different chakra colours during a treatment.
This time there was nothing, except cold darkness the blackest of black.
My chi was blocked.
Several sessions later I felt it trickling back.
It felt glorious.

Next was a cleanse program.
My Vitamix worked overtime.
Nourishing food eliminated toxins while bringing renewed energy.
I could feel my body and soul returning.

With time I felt ready to be with my people again.
Their loving presence washed over me like a healing tonic.
We talked, didn’t talk, laughed, cried together.

I could feel my roots beneath me once again.
The same roots that bound me to the women I lost, held me gently in place while I grieved.

It’s hard to believe I thought my soulbattical’s purpose was to restore my soul.
It was much more than that.
Like a sabbatical, it was about learning.
Or rather relearning something I had forgotten.

I re-learned:
My quality of life relies on energy supplied by my body and soul.
The care I give to them affects their ability to provide.
Tending to them is my responsibility.

My people are all in for doing all parts of life together.

Always have been.

I was the one who pulled away and got bogged down in the quicksand.

Thankfully, my people know me well and stayed closeby, giving me room,holding space, waiting and ready with whatever I needed.

They are my roots.

Looks like my soulbattical was a sabbatical after all.

Nanaskomon (I am grateful)